With Halloween just around the corner and the primaries coming faster than ever before, I thought now would be a perfect time to discuss a phenomenon that I've been noticing lately in the race for the Republican Presidential nomination. That phenomenon is how to successfully masquerade your liberalism.
Here is my top 10 list of how it is done. Please feel free to add your own.
#10. When asked about your liberal record, cite George Will
#9. When accused of being to the left of Hillary Clinton, laugh really loud and change the subject
#8. When asked about your support of sanctuary cities, claim that you only did what you had to do to encourage illegal immigrants to come forward with information about other illegal immigrants who have broken other laws besides their in ital crime of entering the country illegally and say it all without ever using the word "illegal"
#7. When asked about your history of gun control, say that you understand that what worked for New York won't work elsewhere but you alone are responsible for the crime going down in New York and some of your best friends are hunters
#6. When asked about your support of abortion, your support of partial-birth abortion, your stance against parental notification and your donations to Planned Parenthood, state that you are going to appoint strict constructionist Judges so all of that shouldn't matter besides there are more important things like the War on Terror
#5. When asked how can Social Conservatives vote for you when you are obviously not in their camp, mention the 80/20 factor that no one agrees with someone 100% of the time but you figure 80/20 is enough to earn their support (of course never mention that it's really 20/80 and don't worry, the media is not going to correct you)
#4. When asked about your statement about being a liberal when you ran for Mayor of NY, bring up Hillary Clinton and that you are the only candidate that can beat her in the general election since you can attract those in the middle
#3. When asked about your multiple marriages, your ex-wife finding out you were divorcing her on TV or the member of you campaign staff who has been accused of pedophilia, say that you never claimed to be perfect but remind them that you single-handedly cleaned up New York City while still doing the things you are being accused of
#2. When asked any questions about how you plan to handle Social Security, healthcare or any other details of how you plan to solve any domestic issues, remind them that you were the Mayor of the largest and greatest city of the world and as such you are qualified to handle anything single-handedly
And the #1 way to masquerade your liberalism:
When asked how you plan on handling any foreign issues, including but not limited to Iran, bring up September 11th and how your experience as America's Mayor on that day qualifies only you as the next President of the United States
Elusively yours,
ilja 